So, hurray! The doctor said that I do not have a hernia. I only have a virus that makes my bladder hurt. I do not quite know what that is supposed to mean, as I was previously unaware of viruses whose sole purpose is to tenderize my bladder. Nevertheless, I stayed home and slept for a few days, and it seems that my bladder has stopped hurting, which I shall take as a sign that the virus has been beaten into submission by the might of my biology.
Also, I had to take a pee test (to ensure I didn't have a bladder infection even though he asked me probably five times if I had any pain or burning during urination and I kept saying no) but I had made the mistake of going right before I left the office to go to the doctor's.
"Do you think you can fill that for me?"
"Um...actually, I...um. I went already. I don't think I can."
"Can you at least try?"
(Here a passing nurse jumps in)"Do you need some water? Maybe you should go drink some water. There's a water fountain out in the lobby. Go drink some water, and come back here and I'll point you to the bathroom. Drink a lot of water now!"
So I drank a lot of water.
And I stood in the bathroom for a good five minutes waiting for the water to work its way through, or something. Now, I have never been very good at the whole pee game. Probably half of the times I actually get up from what I am doing to go to the bathroom and pee, by the time I get there I do not have to pee any more, so I go back to my desk, sit down, and immediately have to pee. I also get very anxious about people hearing me pee. If I stand at a urinal for more than a few seconds before the peeing starts, I start thinking that the other guys in the bathroom are probably listening to the sound of me not peeing, and then laughing at me for being a pee-shy freako, which as you can probably imagine, only compounds the problem. It ends up being very frustrating, and also usually ends up being a matter of small personal celebration when I successfully complete a urinary maneuver.
Imagine my surprise and pleasure then, when (from a dry start, mind you) I managed to fill their evil little plastic cup! It is, I am completely aware, an utterly ridiculous thing to be proud of, but if I could have given myself a Pee Medal just then, I might have.
Of course, then I had to walk through the doctor's office with my little transparent cup of hot pee, trying to find the nurse responsible for it. When I handed the cup to her she gave me a little knowing wink, which I fould a little unnecessary. And when I went to meet the doctor, he gave me a double-thumbs-up and asked, rather excitedly, "So, how'd it go??" "Um," I said. I flashed him a thumbs-up back. "I peed!"
It really is the little challenges that make my days so exciting.