In other news today:
I am incredibly excited about this. Something wonderful is coming to New York. And it opens today.
Hopefully you have heard of, or are familiar with the interior of, a Target store. I have no idea why I feel this intense loyalty to Target. I love Target more than I love IKEA, and that, that is really saying something. Maybe it is because of all the times I went there with my mom when I was quite small. Maybe it is because of all the times I went there during college to buy fans and plants and pencils and picture frames and CDs and fake trees. Maybe it is because of that perky bulls-eye logo. I do not quite know. What I am sure of, however, is that Target is the best place there is.
Imagine my sadness, then, having to live in a city without easy access to a Target. On the other hand, imagine my happiness when I discovered a new Target within my very very easy reach. And then, continue to expand your perception of my happiness until it is as large as the Hindenburg (pre-crash, that is), as you learn that this is no ordinary Target. It is a Target Boat.
Yes. A boat. A boat with a Target in it. A Holiday Target Boat, floating sedately, floating majestically, even, off the Chelsea Piers. Complete with a marketing campaign of big posters around the city containing the Target logo and copy reading "Nearest Target: 1.42 Nautical Miles." Get it? Nautical miles? Because it is a motherfucking Target motherfucking BOAT.
Whoever invented the concept of the Motherfucking Target Boat needs to receive a Big Motherfucking Raise. I want to kiss them and have their tiny red bulls-eyed babies.