Subway-riding is the most effective means I know to come into contact with as large and diverse a group of people as possible. Here is a new favorite Subway Story, and it is absolutely, horrifically true:
A few days ago, riding home, a gaggle of businesspeople got on. Two men in very nice business suits, one woman in a very nice pregnant-lady business suit.
Man 1: Oh, where did you move to?
Pregnant Woman: To Park Slope. It's such a nice suburban neighborhood.
Man 2: Do they have any schools where you are? (in a tone suggesting that nowhere as...rural...as central Brooklyn could have SCHOOLS, the dirty Manhattan-centric creep)
Pregnant Woman: Oh, yes. Right on the corner of Something and Something Else is a Montessori school.
Man 2: Oh! That's the one that feeds into Richpeople Prep, right?
Pregnant Woman (while tenderly rubbing belly): Yes, it is. We've already talked to both schools and they know that we're enrolling Ethan.
Man 1: It's great that you could reserve a spot for him before he's even born!
Pregnant Woman (laughing): Oh, we reserved a spot before we even knew we were pregnant!
Man 2: Of course! You have to have a good school lined up before you conceive these days, if you want them started out right.
Meanwhile, a punky girl standing behind them and me standing in front of them kept exchanging small eyerolling glances over their shoulders, and eventually we both had to pretend we were coughing to cover up the mad laughter.
In not-very-related-news, I will not be taking the subway tonight. Well, I will be taking the subway home. But that, dear friends, is where the mass-transit for the evening STOPS. I am, courtesy of StyleGirl, on the guest-list for some launch party for some "hot new model," some fabulous "it-guy," some "over-marketed-we'll-be-seeing-him-everywhere-soon" kind of guy. And the best part? They are sending a CAR to PICK US UP. We are about to be driven to a party in a disgustingly pretentious Manhattan dance club where we will be served canapes and hors d'oeuvres, and we will have an unparalleled opportunity to point at and laugh at any number of very self-important people. Those of you who know what a starfucker I can be can certainly imagine my delight.