I am trying to keep on an even keel today. I gulp down "Balance" Vitamin Water, hoping to transfer some of its supposed properties directly to my brain. Because a rather large chunk of my mind flits off to six-o'clock -- I can hear it giggling when it does so, like a child hiding from its chores -- and unless I can tame my thoughts, I am going to get absolutely nothing done at work today.
History is against me -- a long string of excitements and anticipations that never bore fruit, events fallen through at the last minute, disappointments. This is the other end of the fulcrum: a sick confidence that 5:30 will witness a phone call wherein everything is called off.
Still, I try to remember that this day is not other days. Past transgressions have no place here, in the new, creamy-sweet "here" I create today.
I breathe deeply, I stuff negativity into my deepest mental oubliette, and I gently close excitement away in a sun-filled room, where I can just hear it -- softly singing out the hours, counting down the time.