Have you ever...
walked up the stairs from the subway and totally biffed it and slammed your knee down on the corner of a cement step and then gotten up too quickly so that nobody will notice you and slipped again right away and slammed the other knee? 'Cause I have never done that.
slathered strawberry cream cheese on your morning bagel and taken a great big bite, only to discover that what you thought were strawberries are actually mashed-up bits of salmon and you accidentally gagged? 'Cause I have never done that.
had a great chicken sandwich for lunch, and then taken a great big bite of it and ended up chomping down on an enormous piece of gristle so distressing it inadvertently made you gag and spit the entire mouthful out onto your keyboard? 'Cause I have never done that.
obsessively checked your email looking for a reply to something, and felt vaguely but secretly freakish for doing so because you knew that other people really have better things to do all day than send emails to you but you still wished otherwise, and your stomach got all twisted up in anticipation while the page was loading, and the top finally said "One new message" so you scrolled to the bottom crossing your fingers but it turned out to be an email inviting you to check out the HOTTTEST XXX TEEN SLUTTTS and you were annoyed that you got all excited for new mail and that was all it turned out to be? 'Cause I have never done that.
Am I convincing you at all?