I rebel against today. I speak not of the "Hallmark" nature of February 14's significance. That has been done before and I'm tired of being cliché.
I comment merely on the fact that I refuse to sink back into the mire from which I recently dragged myself. I will not look at pink hearts and begin to pine. I shall not ruminate on friend's romanticisms and clench my teeth.
Instead, I focus on the positive. The office coffee (A topic upon which I too often harp, I know) has been brewed today by someone who is not afraid of it. An unexpected and completely wonderful loan of ten dollars will allow me to buy lunch and actually eat today.
This positive outlook still does not negate the oath I made to myself three years ago. I declared that I would never again spend Feb. 14th both single and sober. As I am most definitely single, and presumably will be so this evening, I have a date with my liquid lover. Never let it be said that I break my promises.
I find it amazing how much thought goes into the topic of money and food, especially when one has neither. The fact that ten dollars rests in my pocket buoys up my heart, puts a spring in my step. I have ten full dollars of purchasing power today, and it is this realization that shows me how important purchasing power is to my self-image. I understand it is de rigueur to look down upon capitalism, but that is difficult to do while weighing in my mind the benefits of lasagna at Isadora's Diner versus a chicken sandwich at Ranch 1.
(Side note regarding Ranch 1: the chicken sandwiches are tasty, true -- but I tend to think of them not so much as a chicken sandwich, as a vehicle for consuming honey mustard sauce. Then again, were the world mine to direct, *every* food would have a "slathered in honey mustard sauce" option. And a "covered with avocados" option, as long as I dream of Utopia.)