Mania. Depression. I wash back and forth between the two like a slow, slow tide, wherein mania definitely has the upper hand. Months of contented cheeriness, a few days of blackness, then right back out again.
While I am not exactly "right as rain" just yet, I am a damn sight better than I have been in recent days.
My mutterings are confined to weak coffees and empty stomachs, problems easily ignored or coped with; issues of love and lust and life-at-large fall into the background and no longer occupy every attenuated moment.
I have even had genuine enjoyment: brown rice and tofu, ice skating, an honest-to-god cigarette, and the lovely surprise of my very first viewer note from the very person I mentioned yesterday who shares my taste in movies. Synchronicity.
As for today, I try to ignore the fact that it is only Wednesday. I do not mind the tedium of working, nor does it matter that I have done nothing all day because there is nothing to do. I merely wait and wait until paycheck day on Friday, whereafter I can splurge on frivolities, such as food. And Lucky Strikes -- dear god, Lucky Strikes -- and then some decent coffee. Yes, once again my fifteen dollar gift certificate to Starbucks, that miracle that could procure both a quad-venti-white-chocolate-mocha AND something solid to eat with it, has been left at home. I laugh at my own forgetful foolishness. Ha! Ha!
Meanwhile, patiently reloading villagevoice.com, I wait for new weekly horoscopes to describe the catastrophe that is my life.