Update:
It is happening.
Basically, I need to polish off my undergrad student loan, of which only $2600 remains. I just made the necessary phone calls to arrange applying my tax refund directly to it.
I am sure that whatever is left over after that, I will manage to find a way to get it paid post-fucking-haste.
Once that is done, the Financial Aid director sees no further impediment to convincing someone to give me the twenty five thousand, seven hundred and fifty Santa Clauses I need to attend.
Holy fucking SWEET. If I am not careful, I am liable to explode at any moment.