It has been suggested -- wisely, I think -- by Josh that tonight's Vice Presidential debates are in dire need of a list of rules to be followed in order to play a political drinking game. Never one to turn down a challenge, I hereby present my list, culled from my brain and that of my workaday IM buddies.
Take a drink whenever you hear the word "Halliburton."
Take a drink whenever you hear the phrase "trial lawyer."
Take a drink each time Edwards flashes a boyish grin.
Take a drink each time Cheney grimaces.
Take a drink whenever you hear the phrases "American people," "stem cell," or "weapons of mass destruction."
Take four drinks if you hear those three phrases in the same sentence.
One drink for "mislead."
Two drinks for "deceive."
Three drinks for "lie."
Two drinks for "gay."
Three drinks for "lesbian."
Four drinks for "dyke."
A bottle of vodka gets slammed every time you hear the phrase," My name is Dick Cheney, and I love my gay lesbian dykey daughter."
Take a drink each time they refer to their own running mate by first and last name.
Two drinks if they include the middle initial.
Take two drinks each time you hear the word "puppet."
Two drinks each time Edwards relates any folksy charm, or talks about something he has learned from the people of the South.
As many drinks as you need each time Cheney is too smarmy or smug or oily to be borne without more alcohol in your system.
Take two drinks if Cheney implies that a vote for Kerry is a vote for having a bomb shoved up your toddler's ass.
Three drinks if he flat-out states it.
Take two drinks if Edwards implies that a vote for Bush is a vote for a vapid manchild with a tenuous grasp of global politics who killed off half of his brain cells by doing too much blow and is planning to invade each of the countries of the world until he has, much like in Pokemon, collected 'em all.
Three drinks if he flat-out states it.
And finally, take five drinks, dance around naked, and sing Irish drinking songs, every time Cheney tells Edwards to go fuck himself.
Man. I'm gonna be wasted by 9:05.