I think it's important to note, in this whole "krissa taking over biscuit's blog for a week" thing, that the best thing about the guy isn't his cakes, or his style, or even his belly laugh. It's his astounding ability to make something that's hard or complicated or emotionally taxing into something you're laughing about.
I've got about two thousand pages in Microsoft Word that is the IM Log between Bicscuit and myself from the summer of 2003 until now. That's a lot of pages. Somewhere around page 880, I fell in love with Stuart. And the first day back at work after meeting him, when I was already terrified about what would happen when he left to return home to England, Biscuit and I had a conversation about ducks, fish out of water, island biddies, and really - about love.
Wanna see?
biscuit: hee hee hee Krissa living on the Isle of Wight.
biscuit: Tending to a flock of, like, ducks.
petithiboux: hahahaha does it matter that he doesn’t actually LIVE on the isle of wight, but near london?
biscuit: And IMing me because you're so frustrated that the ducks never herd where you want them to.
biscuit: One of them, Percy, always WANDERS OFF and you have to go PULL HIM OUT from underneath the FENCE.
petithiboux: HAHAHAHAHAHAH
petithiboux: thank you.
petithiboux: that just stopped me from bursting into TEARS.
biscuit: HAHAHA
petithiboux: i would SO NAME MY DUCK PERCY.
biscuit: I know!!
biscuit: Why do you think I said your duck was Percy, silly?
petithiboux: because you KNOW.
biscuit: And the local CHURCH would be having their, like, annual jumble sale.
biscuit: and you'd be like People, people PEOPLE. You're doing this all WRONG.
biscuit: And they'd be all 'ow do you mean, luv?’
biscuit: and you'd sweep in and organize stuff and send out evites to the jumble sale and put up a major marketing campaign.
biscuit: And also you'd have lemon bars and madelines.
petithiboux: HAHHAHAHAHHAH
petithiboux: EVITES
petithiboux: AHAHHAHAHAH
petithiboux: TO ALL THE PENSIONERS
petithiboux: HAHAHA
petithiboux: WHO DON'T HAVE INTERNET.
biscuit: Well CLEARLY you'd spearhead the initiative to get broadband brought out to the Isle.
biscuit: And you'd change your blog name to le petit canard.
petithiboux: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH
petithiboux: did you just LOOK UP DUCK?
petithiboux: for that PURPOSE?!
biscuit: Of COURSE I did.
biscuit: babelfish.altavista.com, baby.
petithiboux: dude.
petithiboux: as long as i don't resort to wearing things called SMOCKS
biscuit: No no no.
biscuit: You're not going to be, like, the Little Dutch Girl running around in SMOCKS.
petithiboux: THANK you.
petithiboux: can i have wellies though?
petithiboux: for the tending of the ducks?
biscuit: You're going to shock the natives with your crazy American ways.
biscuit: Yes. You can have wellies except you charmingly wear them with a flouncy skirt.
petithiboux: NATCH.
petithiboux: and a peasant top.
biscuit: And there are always these two old ladies who lean against their fence and watch you herd ducks all day.
petithiboux: that's kind of weird.
biscuit: Of course it's weird.
biscuit: It's the FREAKING ISLE OF WIGHT.
biscuit: What ELSE do they have to do all day?
biscuit: They go back and have tea at night and tell all of the other old ladies all the things you do.
biscuit: And gasp scandalously at the lacy underthings you hang out to dry.
petithiboux: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
petithiboux: and stuart? what does he do? what with, like,
petithiboux: HIM LIVING WAY THE FUCK UP NEAR LONDON AND ALL.
biscuit: Oh, I haven't even put him into the movie yet.
biscuit: It's you and the ducks.
petithiboux: DUDE,
petithiboux: can i PLEASE HAVE STUART NOW?!
biscuit: I'm sure he's there somewhere.
petithiboux: because DUDE,
petithiboux: if i'm GONNA GO LIVE ON A FUCKING ISLAND,
petithiboux: i want a fucking STUART.
biscuit: Well SURE he's there.
biscuit: You pick him bouquets of daffodils.
biscuit: That go in the middle of your big wooden table in your sunny kitchen.
petithiboux: I LOVE MY TABLE.
biscuit: Oh god, and do you remember that one time?
biscuit: When you accidentally picked your NEIGHBOR'S daffodils???
biscuit: OOooh she was angry.
petithiboux: HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA.
biscuit: And she purposely opened your back gate so that Caspian could get out and he ran all over and scared the ducks half to death??
petithiboux: HAHAHHAHAHAH
biscuit: And you had to try to herd all the scared ducks back into their duck...pen?
petithiboux: HAHHA
petithiboux: duck...
petithiboux: box?
petithiboux: duck....
petithiboux: hut?
petithiboux: duck...
petithiboux: barn?
biscuit: Duck...HUT!!!
biscuit: HAHAHAHA!
biscuit: DUCKHUT!
petithiboux: WHAT DO DUCKS LIVE IN
biscuit: DUCKHUT!
petithiboux: HAHAHAHHAHAHA
biscuit: Chickens have coops.
biscuit: Ducks can totally have a HUT!!
biscuit: HAHAHAHA!
biscuit: I'm still totally jealous that you have honeysuckle and lilac bushes all over your back yard, though.
biscuit: Even though that one time you got stung by a big ol' bumblebee on your nose and Stuart came home and you were sad and he had to go 'round and wake up the local chemist just to get some salve for you.
biscuit: That was sweet of him.
petithiboux: he's sweet like that.
biscuit: I love inventing fake fish-out-of-water romantic comedies for your life!!