Just how lazy, as a people, are we?
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you...The Eggjector™, the complete kitchen set for egg extraction!
You heard me. The Egg. Jector™. It's a fucking ejector for eggs and they called it an Eggjector™. Why do we need the Eggjector™? Because apparently it's too hard to peel-n-eat your own god damned hard-boiled eggs. All that, you know, effort to get to your lunchtime snack is just too much. In fact, you'd better get an Eggjector™ for home and office, so you can be prepared for extracting an egg no matter where you are.
Besides the fact that it is hygienical [sic], here's what I don't get. To properly 'ject an egg from the Eggjector™:
* Punch on the small end of an egg several times using the piercer located on the Eggjector™ base.
* And then crack the larger end by tapping on table. Make sure it is fully cracked. Don't be timid!
* Place the egg on the rimmed base of Eggjector™ with punched small end pointing up and the cracked larger end down.
* Place the push barrel of Eggjector™ on top of its rimmed base. Criss cross hands over the top of the barrel and give one good fast push to pop a perfect hard-boiled egg from its shell.
In other words, puncture your egg HERE, and then crack it open HERE, and then put it in here not this way but rather that way, pray to god you weren't too timid in your cracking procedure because who the fuck knows what happens if you try to eject an agg from an improperly cracked shell, double-fist slam it over THERE, pop it out over THERE and then CHASE YOUR GOD DAMNED SLIPPERY FUCKING EGG AS IT ROLLS AWAY DOWN THE COUNTERTOP.
Seriously. I want to find someone who has one of these things, just so I can cook up a batch of soft-boiled two-minute eggs and have them try to peel that bitch. "Mmm, I can't wait for a good ol' hard-boiled egg," I will say. And then I will laugh when they give it a good swift push and it BLATS all over their countertop. Serves 'em right.
Biscuit: Delivering Egg-Based Justice Since 1977.