Biscuit: Tasty Doesn't Get You A Date To The Prom

Seriously. I'm burning the candle at both ends so hard that if I could find a candle with five ends, I'd get it and burn all of 'em at once. I have been busier this month than I think I have ever been. Ever. I'm working a ton of overtime (too bad I don't get paid for it), editing my book on the clap, taking a morning class on Endocrinology (LAST UNDERGRAD CLASS FUCK YEAH), taking the LSATs on Saturday, and getting on average about four hours of sleep a night.

And of course, I absolutely fucking love it.

However, while I tend to thrive on massive overactivity, sometimes my snooze-button finger (okay, let's be honest, my snooze-button-wildly-flailing-palm) gets a little overactive too. I was worried when I was going to bed last night at 2 that I wouldn't hear my alarm and wake up for class at 6. I kind of have a history of turning the damned thing off without becoming even marginally conscious. This is where technology is my savior; specifically, this is where my Mac fixes everything. As usual.

I decided to set an alarm on my computer as well as on the little clock beside my bed. So I get out from under the covers, and open up Safari. In the built-in Googlesearch box, I type in "alarm widget." I click on a result, see a little computer-y alarm, download it in just under two seconds, and the system automatically installs it and opens up my Dashboard. A few clicks to set the time I want to wake up, and the alarm clock syncs with iTunes, letting me choose what song I want to play to get me out of bed. This entire thing took 30 seconds; I didn't even have a chance to get chilly standing there in my underwear.

(Bonus points if you guessed that I decided on "Hung Up." Not only is it energetic and good to dance to and just plain fucking awesome, it starts with the sound of a bloody ticking clock.)

Morning rolls around, and sure enough, I sleep flat through the clock by my bed. Ten minutes later, however, Madonna starts singing to me, at a slowly increasing volume, until I get up and walk across the room to turn the thing off. Meanwhile, another widget has helpfully looked up and displayed the lyrics to the song (thanks for that one, 'Tastic!), and another one tells me what the weather forecast is for the day, so I know how warmly I need to dress. I even used the dictionary widget to make sure I was using the title of this post correctly.

If the rest of my life operated this smoothly, I'd only need a three-ended candle.

Now, THIS. This is a movie I'd go see.

* (THANK YOU THANK YOU Jen for this, I love it love it love it WHEEEEEEEE.)

All law students at ABA-accredited law schools in the United States must take the LSAT prior to admission.
Chris wants to be admitted as a law student at an ABA-accredited law school in the United States.

Therefore, Chris must take the LSAT.

There aren't many acceptable reasons to be awake at 6 am on a Saturday. Still being awake from the night before is good, as is getting off a redeye to London. I just found out that being up at 6 on a Saturday morning to take the LSAT can be just as exciting.

Especially when you dance to Madonna the whole time you're getting dressed.

Fuck yeah.

Also I'm wearing my really cute socks with orange and white stars all over them. I have it on good authority that stars are fabulous.

All the practice tests in the WORLD don't prepare you for how exhausted you are when you get out of that test. Dude.

This is what I sent to my awesome friend Courtney who also took the LSAT this morning. It's a pretty decent picture of my state of mind at the time.

I kind of don't want to make predictions about how I did, because I have a secret fear that I totally bombed it and when I get the score everyone will be like, Hey, I thought you said you did okay or something, and then I'll just feel dopey. But I guess I think I did reasonably well enough to apply to the places I want to go. Which is fine. I don't find out until the 27th, which is totally lame, as I totally require instant gratification and they're totally not giving it to me.

In unrelated news, I'm going on a business trip! On the 25th! To Charleston!

...does anyone know anything fun to do in Charleston? Besides buy some Chew?

Fuck me, but this just doesn't stop feeling like an absurdly early hour to leave the house. How on earth did I do this every day for middle and high school?

*yawn*

My tooth just broke!!! AGAIN!!!! FKNAHHHHH AND ALSO WAHH STUPID TOOTH, plus lots and LOTS of expletives.

Below, please find an artist's rendition of how I look today:

And no, this had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I have a totally hot dentist.

Promise.

**UPDATE**
Mouthwash so you don't gross out your dentist: $2.79.
Other stuff you pick up at Duane Reade just because you're there: $18.50.
New filling for front tooth: $270.
A hot dentist who will see you at a moment's notice to fix your hideous gap-toothed smile: Priceless.

This past weekend was the first time in aaages that I've had a chance to stop galloping, and just sit down for a while. I watched twelve episodes of Battlestar Galactica, and played probably as many hours of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.

The remarkable part about that game; well, one of the remarkable parts, I suppose, as there's a lot in there that's worthy of remarking on; the remarkable part is how much the city you drive through resembles a real place. Stuart already compared Vice City to Miami quite effectively, but I was still really surprised to realize that my little video game car in San Fierro was really driving past the Embarcadero in San Francisco. And then I found City Hall which is the prettiest building since bricks were invented. And then I found this gate to Chinatown, and I turned left and went up the hill, and I found Zack's apartment building.

It's fucking eerie.

As evidence that I have actually visited these places I'm rambling about, see here. Included, you may find a) me, b) Zack, c) Taylortaylortaylor, and Andy, as we ran all over town. Someday, if Taylor ever sends it to me, I'll put up the picture of me laughing on the cable car. They said it should be in an ad for how much fun those cars are. Because seriously? They're, like, CRAZY fun. And San Francisco? It's like, CRAZY awesome. I had the best fucking time, and I'm already looking forward to going back.

I will also take this time to note that sea lions? They're totally gross and moldy.

Recently overheard on the streets of Soho:

Big Contruction Worker Who Is Clearly Not From Around Here, whipping around to catcall a passing girl who wants to be a model (or just look like, one! Barbizon!): OH you beautiful MINX!

Passing girl: ...

Construction worker, to himself regarding his recent encounter: Jesus Christ, I'm gonna break my fuckin' neck in this town.

Dear person in the Bronx who just used my debit card number to go on a shopping spree for jewelry and car accessories in the Bronx and take ten of your friends to the movies, forcing me to freeze my account right before I go on a business trip where I need to buy things like dinner,

Fuck right off.

Love, Biscuit.