Go Go Gadget CGI Script
HELLO MY NAME IS BISCUIT I OWN THE UGLIEST BLOG IN THE HISTORY OF TIME.
Seriously. Ugliest fucking blog ever. I mean, here's the thing. I've spent several months thinking to myself, "Hey. You should really post something. It's stupid." But then I think, "No, actually, I shouldn't. I don't have anything interesting or funny to say, and if anyone ever reads my archives they'll be all like, 'Hey, this guy used to be funny but he sure isn't now. How disappointing that he got dull and un-funny in his old age.'" But then for the last few days, I've been thinking of funny things to say again, and I don't have anyone to say them to when I think them. "Voila," thinks the first part of my brain, "Blog." "Oh, fine," thinks the second part.
So I show up here, right? I'm like, I have this funny thing to say and I've planned the whole thing in my head and it has a punchline and everything. But then I'm like, "Well, crud. My comments are buggered." So I spend half an hour remembering how to log into MySQL and FTP and fix the things, because they got disabled by my host because I got so much fucking spam.
(Incidentally, apparently MySQL thinks that when I say 'DELETE FROM database where comments_created_date > 4-30-07' actually means, 'Dear MySQL, Please delete all of my comments ever. Love, Biscuit.' If you ever posted anything particularly good, please go back and re-enter it now.)
So then, right? THEN I see this bit where it's all, "Only allow comments from TypeKey users!" and I'm like, "Great! That'll help!" So I click the thing and set everything up and put in my codes like a good little anti-spam warrior. But then it doesn't work.
And it continues to not work.
So I've just spent the past three hours of my life upgrading myself to MovableType 3.whatever, at the end of which it STILL didn't work. "Maybe there's something fucked in the code then," I think. So I sigh, resign myself to recoding a bunch of templates, and clear them all out to start from scratch.
The end result? A blog that is the single ugliest blog since blogs began, and comments that still don't have anything to do with TypeKey and won't let anybody comment on anything. So I had to turn regular commenting back on so the spam people will be all up in my junk again, AND I have this ugly blog, AND it's too late to fix it because I have to be at work in 6 hours and I need to get some sleep or something.
And to top it all off, I just wrote this crappy entry about database administration instead of my entire other entry I'd already planned in my head, which wasn't even going to be all that great in the FIRST place, seeing as how it was about a topic that, according to imdb.com, is almost exactly 2 years overdue:
Mr. and Mrs. Smith is likely the single hottest and most believable movie romance I've ever seen.
Also, I totally have a new wallet with a griffon on it. It pretty much rules.