Biscuit: Tasty Doesn't Get You A Date To The Promtag:www.fulminous.com,2008://22008-01-21T03:49:27ZMovable Type 3.35Pearly Glowtag:www.fulminous.com,2008://2.7602008-01-21T02:47:09Z2008-01-21T03:49:27ZSo here's the deal. I left my house yesterday in a bad mood, and made the ill-advised decision to go into the city. Walking around Manhattan generally already has the side-effect of making one's mood worse, not better, especially on...Ful
Yes, that's right. Two flavors. Mint, and new Intense Stain. Mmmm, yummy! At least, as long as they're going to make a new Stain flavor, they go whole-hog and make it really, really Intense. Yurrm.
Also I'm happy to announce that over the course of a viewing of Battlestar Galactica's "Razor," Brigid and I whitened our teeth by several shades. Please don your sunglasses before approaching. Thank you.]]>
Sip!tag:www.fulminous.com,2007://2.7592007-09-21T19:37:29Z2007-09-21T19:44:04ZSo I just got back from a 2-week luxurious cruise-laden Mediterranean vacation...and boy are my arms tired! Ha. I kid. Lovely time, lovely cities, lovely cruise ship, etc. More on that soon -- I'm planning to put up travel journal...Ful
So I just got back from a 2-week luxurious cruise-laden Mediterranean vacation...and boy are my arms tired! Ha. I kid. Lovely time, lovely cities, lovely cruise ship, etc. More on that soon -- I'm planning to put up travel journal entries plus photos shortly -- hopefully this weekend.
In the meantime: we just landed two big fat deals at work and I celebrated by taking myself and awesome coworker Monika out for a chicken club and some mid-day vodka! Yessss to mid-day work-time vodka sippings for ME. Also I'm wearing a cream-colored suit with a pale blue and spring green striped shirt and a pale pink tie with little cream-colored flowers. That outfit + mid-day vodka = the awesomes.
Many Thanks, Sinceeeerely...tag:www.fulminous.com,2007://2.7582007-08-02T02:54:49Z2007-08-02T03:44:52ZWhile I am already friends with one very lovely and accomplished songstress, every now and then, I'm taken with the urge to pen a few lyrics of my own. My latest offering draws from real-life inspiration. Last night, I stayed...Ful
songstress, every now and then, I'm taken with the urge to pen a few lyrics of my own. My latest offering draws from real-life inspiration.
Last night, I stayed up late with my adored roommate and life-partner, helping her polish off some homework that was due today. After she'd turned it in, she told me that she was thinking about buying me a gigolo, in thanks. I laughed, and told a coworker about it, who recoiled a bit and suggested that I be given a pint of Haagen-Dazs coffee ice cream instead.
"What? How are the two even vaguely comparable?"
"Well, they ARE. Coffee ice cream is way better than a gigolo.
"Is not. I mean, sure, you can eat both of them. But only one of the two will eat you back."
"...Well. Fine. But also, only one of them will smell like sweaty ass."
"Touché."
Then, for some reason, "smells like sweaty ass" brought to mind a song lyric from long ago: "And never smell of baaaarley waaaaaaa-terrrrrrrrr." You know. The classic song from Mary Poppins, "The Perfect Nanny." (For the original lyrics, click here.) With that in mind, I give you "The Perfect Gigolo." Honestly, it's a little startling how little the lyrics needed to be changed.
The Perfect Gigolo
Wanted: a gigolo for one adorable homo.
If you want this choice position
Have a cheery disposition
Rosy cheeks, no warts!
Play games, all sorts.
You must be kind, you must be witty
Fairly sweet and VERY pretty
Take me on outings, give me treats
Sing songs, bring sweets
Never be cross or cruel (unless I ask)
Never lube with castor oil or gruel
Tell me there ain't no one hotter
And wash with lots of soap and water
If you won't scold and dominate me (again, unless I ask)
I will never give you cause to hate me
I won't hide your undershorts
So you can't flee
No crumbs in your bed
And won't forget your fee
Hurry, Giggy!
Many thanks!
Sincerely,
Christopher Biscuit!
I think I can work with this -- I'm seeing an entire musical about my gigolo. "Oliver" already has "A Boy For Sale," and "I'd Do Anything For You." "Oklahoma" has "I Cain't Say No." "Camelot" has "The Lusty Month of May." And just take a minute to think of the possibilities of amending either "My Favorite Things," "The Lonely Goatherd," (lusty and clear from the goatherd's throat!) or "Sixteen Going (Down) on Seventeen."
I think I found my new hobby.
(postscript: I still haven't figured out the issue with my comments. If you feel compelled to say something about what may become my life's work, drop me a line. trusilvr at google's awesome email. Just, you know. FYI.)]]>
Go Go Gadget CGI Scripttag:www.fulminous.com,2007://2.7572007-06-22T05:35:03Z2007-06-22T05:53:30ZHELLO MY NAME IS BISCUIT I OWN THE UGLIEST BLOG IN THE HISTORY OF TIME. Seriously. Ugliest fucking blog ever. I mean, here's the thing. I've spent several months thinking to myself, "Hey. You should really post something. It's stupid."...Ful
4-30-07' actually means, 'Dear MySQL, Please delete all of my comments ever. Love, Biscuit.' If you ever posted anything particularly good, please go back and re-enter it now.)
So then, right? THEN I see this bit where it's all, "Only allow comments from TypeKey users!" and I'm like, "Great! That'll help!" So I click the thing and set everything up and put in my codes like a good little anti-spam warrior. But then it doesn't work.
And it continues to not work.
So I've just spent the past three hours of my life upgrading myself to MovableType 3.whatever, at the end of which it STILL didn't work. "Maybe there's something fucked in the code then," I think. So I sigh, resign myself to recoding a bunch of templates, and clear them all out to start from scratch.
The end result? A blog that is the single ugliest blog since blogs began, and comments that still don't have anything to do with TypeKey and won't let anybody comment on anything. So I had to turn regular commenting back on so the spam people will be all up in my junk again, AND I have this ugly blog, AND it's too late to fix it because I have to be at work in 6 hours and I need to get some sleep or something.
And to top it all off, I just wrote this crappy entry about database administration instead of my entire other entry I'd already planned in my head, which wasn't even going to be all that great in the FIRST place, seeing as how it was about a topic that, according to imdb.com, is almost exactly 2 years overdue:
Mr. and Mrs. Smith is likely the single hottest and most believable movie romance I've ever seen.
Also, I totally have a new wallet with a griffon on it. It pretty much rules.]]>
Reverberationtag:www.fulminous.com,2007://2.7562007-03-01T16:24:43Z2007-06-22T05:07:23ZThere are a lot of lovely, lovely words and phrases in the English language. I've already waxed rhapsodic about the word "dainty" and how much I love it. For that matter, "waxed rhapsodic" makes my heart flutter a little bit...Ful
There are a lot of lovely, lovely words and phrases in the English language. I've already waxed rhapsodic about the word "dainty" and how much I love it. For that matter, "waxed rhapsodic" makes my heart flutter a little bit too. I get squidgy for pretty much all of the onomotopoeics -- good, visceral, largely made-up words like "squadge" or "smoosh" or "blat" or "thoonk." I adore reading properly-constructed sentences in which the author puts a "with" in the middle, instead of leaving it out in the cold, at the end, alone -- "This is the stunningly attractive man with whom I ate dinner," which is also an example of a sentence I'd like to be able to say more often. I literally get a little giddy when someone is "disoriented" instead of "disorientated" (shudder and a half).
Ephemeral, ratatouille, clutch, espadrille. Emerald, sapphire, diamond (but not ruby), satchel, wafer, luxurious (but not luxury). Abbreviated words: totes, adorbs, horbs, abreves, pedest, stupes. Fleur-de-lis. Defenestrate. Frisson. Vitreous. Defy, defiance, defiant. Cherubim. Vaunted. Deliberate. Shimmer, shiver, vituperous. Rampant.
I could go on. Probably all day, too. Instead, since I have work to do, I think I'll relate one of the sweetest-sounding sentences I've ever had the pleasure of hearing. One that I heard, as a matter of fact, on Tuesday afternoon in a lovely hotel in Dallas.
"I've taken the liberty of upgrading you."
Music to my ears.
Periscopetag:www.fulminous.com,2007://2.7552007-02-13T05:46:45Z2007-06-22T05:07:23ZNow there's a shocker. I get back to New York and suddenly I'm too busy to write my name, much less anything on here. And either I pass out at 9 or I can't fall asleep until 4. Two days...Ful
Now there's a shocker. I get back to New York and suddenly I'm too busy to write my name, much less anything on here. And either I pass out at 9 or I can't fall asleep until 4. Two days after I got back, work sent me to Philly for the day for another client meeting. My friend Mark thinks that they're just trying to test me. "You're jetlagged? Awesome. Go to Philadelphia. And now...wrestle this python! And juggle! On one leg! Bravo!"
I think he may be on to something.
I'm in the middle of that phase that I hit with all of my jobs. I'm bored. I've done all the new stuff I can reasonably expect to do, and from here on out, it's going to be a lot more of exactly the same thing. Except more and more of it. More until I break from the strain of doing the job that should reasonably be distributed among five people. But I'm a worker bee now. I'll keep doing it because it's my job. And, to be honest, I'll keep doing it because I don't know what else to do instead, and even if I did, I still feel an obligation to the company and to my coworkers, and because I've put in a lot of work to make our product what it is.
Eyeroll. One a.m. ramblings. Nothing that a day on the beach and some really excellent sex wouldn't cure. And because I refuse to get any more maudlin, I'll just take it on faith that either or both of those things are just around the corner.
Fourpeattag:www.fulminous.com,2007://2.7522007-02-01T13:57:18Z2007-06-22T05:07:23Z..Wow. I've just looked over the scant few things I've written in the past couple days, and all three of them mention vodka. Including this one, all four. Man. I'm better than a hat trick. ...or at least drunker. I...Ful
..Wow. I've just looked over the scant few things I've written in the past couple days, and all three of them mention vodka.
Including this one, all four.
Man. I'm better than a hat trick. ...or at least drunker.
I wonder if I should be worried.
Cleaning Housetag:www.fulminous.com,2007://2.7512007-02-01T13:46:13Z2007-06-22T05:07:23ZOpening the windows, sweeping the floors, putting hot water bottles under the covers. Airing the place. Going through a half dozen Swiffer dusters. You know, the general kind of maintenance necessary when you've been gone a long time, and you...Ful
actual room, just like the mounds of spam cleanup it looks like I've got ahead of me here. Hopefully my bedroom doesn't actually have any Spam™ in it, though.
Interesting fact about India: In the several days leading up to an election, or on national holidays, they don't allow stores or restaurants to serve alcohol. Dry day, they call it. Three guesses if you can figure out when they're having elections here.
If one of your three guesses was "today," you win a gold star. No vodka, though. That would apparently be naughty.
From the little I can glean from looking the practice up online, it seems that in some cases, it's intended as a mark of respect (i.e., Gandhi's birthday, a notorious teetotaler). In other cases, as in elections, it seems that it's meant to intend that the populace makes their decisions and votes for their candidates in a state of absolute sobriety. None of this drunken lever-pulling here! No sir!
I tell you what, I bet that a candidate running on a platform of getting rid of dry days would win in a landslide.]]>
Order Uptag:www.fulminous.com,2007://2.7502007-02-01T08:42:54Z2007-06-22T05:07:23ZAs of right exactly NOW I have only 48 hours left until I get to leave India and go home. I've been here so long, I've had to clip my fingernails three times. Three. I mean, unless I am some...Ful
Me: So for you that's...four picture frames, a vase, a big carved wooden box with brass banding, a smaller carved wooden box with red lacquer, a couple of carved wooden plates, four pillow covers, a beaded and embroidered wall hanging, six really cute mugs with camels on them, and for the kids a big stuffed elephant and a hanging elephant mobile.
Mom: ...Why did you get the kids anything? Now you won't have room in your suitcase to bring me back a bedspread too. Can you return the elephants? I'd appreciate a bedspread more than they'd appreciate elephants.
Me: ...um. Did you not hear the list of...of all the other stuff you're getting instead?
Mom: Well, yes, and it all sounds lovely. Maybe you can get a bedspread and get it shipped back here.
Me: (sigh). One bedspread, coming up.]]>
Take A Shot Iftag:www.fulminous.com,2007://2.7492007-01-24T08:49:18Z2007-06-22T05:07:23ZI really should have come up with a fun drinking game to play during the State of the Union last night. I'd have been hammered. Only two problems prevented me: a) I didn't think about it until right now and...Ful
I really should have come up with a fun drinking game to play during the State of the Union last night. I'd have been hammered. Only two problems prevented me: a) I didn't think about it until right now and I have yet to invent that pesky time machine, and b) I'm in India again, and so I was sleeping during the whole thing.
Maybe next year, during his Last. State of the Union. Address. EVER. Provided I actually get to come home before then and I'm not still living on curry and vodka.
Hear Yetag:www.fulminous.com,2006://2.7482006-11-21T07:01:16Z2007-06-22T05:07:23ZAnd the call rang out across the land, that the people might hear it and rejoice, as they have lo these many years: The herb butter. Is in. The fridge. Let the holidays BEGIN....Ful
And the call rang out across the land, that the people might hear it and rejoice, as they have lo these many years:
The herb butter.
Is in.
The fridge.
Let the holidays BEGIN.
Told You Sotag:www.fulminous.com,2006://2.7472006-11-10T20:58:08Z2007-06-22T05:07:23ZFrom the NY Times, 11/10/06: Bush called Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid and the Senate's No. 2 Democrat, Dick Durbin, to the Oval Office for about 45 minutes of discussions. Afterward, they pledged to put bitter campaign disputes aside and...Ful
From the NY Times, 11/10/06:
Bush called Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid and the Senate's No. 2 Democrat, Dick Durbin, to the Oval Office for about 45 minutes of discussions. Afterward, they pledged to put bitter campaign disputes aside and work together.
Durbin, an Illinois Democrat, appreciatively observed that both Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney had chosen blue ties -- perhaps in honor of the Democratic victory on Tuesday?
"I was hoping you would notice that," said Bush.
KA-POW.
Ceruleantag:www.fulminous.com,2006://2.7462006-11-08T16:50:21Z2007-06-22T05:07:23ZNo, this is NOT becoming a fashion blog, but I have to mention a stunning new trend I just heard about: Apparently it's suddenly a very bad idea to wear red ties in Washington, DC. Fuck the fucking FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!...Ful
No, this is NOT becoming a fashion blog, but I have to mention a stunning new trend I just heard about: Apparently it's suddenly a very bad idea to wear red ties in Washington, DC.
Fuck the fucking FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!! God damn, it feels good to win!
No no NO.tag:www.fulminous.com,2006://2.7452006-11-07T15:55:25Z2007-06-22T05:07:23ZLook, seriously, it's not like I'm some kind of crazy fashionista. But there was a guy on the train today, and he looked sharp. Beautiful suit, wide scarf tossed insouciantly over one shoulder, argyle socks that matched the scarf, gorgeous...Ful
sharp. Beautiful suit, wide scarf tossed insouciantly over one shoulder, argyle socks that matched the scarf, gorgeous cufflinks. Like, seriously sharp. So I'm doing my crossword and looking at him surreptitiously out of the corner of my eye, and then I'm like, "Hey, he has both buttons on his two-button jacket buttoned up. That's not right." And then he sat down, and he didn't unbutton anything at all, and all I wanted to do was jump up and scream, "BUTTON FOUL! BUTTON FOUL!!!"
I mean, I'm glad I didn't and everything, but come on now. Button foul.]]>
Knitweartag:www.fulminous.com,2006://2.7442006-11-06T15:26:37Z2007-06-22T05:07:23ZMy poor little blog continues to devour itself as a result of my neglect. In my defense, I've either been slammed busy with work, or sluggish and laid low with the Cold That Refuses To Die. Still, some things absolutely...Ful
My poor little blog continues to devour itself as a result of my neglect. In my defense, I've either been slammed busy with work, or sluggish and laid low with the Cold That Refuses To Die. Still, some things absolutely require comment. One of these things is cardigans.
If you're reading this, and you're a man? Stop. Wearing. Cardigans. I'm serious. Unless you're Mr. Rogers, and I have it on VERY good authority that none of you ARE, you can't pull it off. Stop it.
Thanks.